ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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