Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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