We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
