she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
