Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
