Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize