omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
