Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
