i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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