I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
