I just gift wrapped bread.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
