she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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