i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
