She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
