Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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