I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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