I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
