Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you would pick up someone in the library
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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