It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
