if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
