I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
