Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
