You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize