Are we in a gay sports bar?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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