I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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