I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
