I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
