He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you will always have a special place in my vag
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
