I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you win again, gameday.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
