well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
