And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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