look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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