So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
