Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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