no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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