So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
