Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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