I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
