Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
