If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize