false alarm. still invincible.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
