i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
