My room smells like vodka and shame
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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