We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
