Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
