You made me cry and you don't even care
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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