I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
