when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
