my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
