so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize