Kiss
Puke
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
