I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I could fuck to npr.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
