She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
