Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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