she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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