there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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