And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
