I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
