im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
