new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
