I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
you never un-have a 4some
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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