Jerry, you need to find god
Your mouth is God's brothel.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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