one word: firstdatebathroomanal
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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