If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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