I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Randomize
