Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
