Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
