brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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