i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
