some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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