im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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