I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I intend to get homeless drunk
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
