When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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