No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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