i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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