I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
