whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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