Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
