That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize