You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
