Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
His nipple licking is glorious
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