apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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